"Practice love on animals first. They are more sensitive." G. could well had in mind certain kind of people too, it's the same principle. The dog barks. The magic is in understanding the situation. For example, he, as a good dog, might possibly assume that his task is to defend his (masters') territory and he is performing flawlessly. Right? Look, the cat has come from the neighbouring house. What does she want? Caressing? Is she thirsty? Hungry? With attention one might guess.

When crisis comes, nothing one has learned will be of much use. Then I, in fact a religious animal, will say, "I no longer know what to do." I will be in distress. Ordinary methods have failed. All so called strength is gone. Everything acquired I can throw to the winds, and half of 'em godshit is reproaching me of being irresponsible, and the other half is mockingly pointing their finger at the fruits of the moral, civil etc. "responsibility".

In such a case, it is not wrong (just joking... way of...) to assume very sincere, very humble attitude. But before I go on, let's pass to the next note.

Many good ideas ideas come to me in the bathroom under the shower. I was sort of disappointed at first, you know, like "other people get good ideas when doing the dishes". But really, I mean, who cares, an idea is an idea. And it is MY DUTY to point potential source of good ideas to people who might be interested in approaching the Work. (I'm either joking too much or in the wrong place -- I'm beginning to HATE this 'joking' style.)

Now, before going back to crisis, we have to dispose with the godshit hordes. If the idea whispered to you is theirs, you will go back to hell. And everybody who listens to you and believes you. Welcome to the crisis.

What was I getting at. Oh yes, now, the crisis is real. I have followed the Work at the best of my ability. I was passive, I was active, I was balanced, I was crooked. I was studying and I was throwing books overboard. But it all leads to nothing. Wait! At least I know by now that such fast conclusions ("I attained nothing, nothing absolutely nothing!!!", "my God, all these years, and I still haven't found how to develop one single inch further", "oh my, why why why is it impossible to develop") are illusory, false, yet, I do not know what to do. If I believe those voices even God cannot help me. But now I face real crisis. I really don't know what to do. All I know is I don't want to screw up.

Ok. Perhaps too many words, but at least the situation is clear. What am I getting at. I need an idea, clarity, understanding of my situation, understanding of what I have to do. I literally need somebody to tell me what to do and what not to do plus some other things more difficult to describe. What do I do? (You will see why I cannot write very well here. [A better writer could perhaps correlate words and actual inner state better.] So let's try an approximation. Yeah, indeed, as close as it gets...) I address Higher Powers, Guys Up There, God, name it as you like. I want -- I don't say I say I want, I say I want, I need, I know I need, I will -- not an answer in words, but actual intervention -- not from the godshit horde but from Son of God himself, to use Bible phrasing.

Just a minute. It is not a demand -- it's not impatient whinning. It is not "believing" that it can happen. It is not "hoping" desperately. It is not "loving" Son of God though all those things have their place and value. But not at times like this! It is vertical communication, believe it or not, it's to know that things are going to be all right (blast, now it sounds like new age stroking of a grossed-out member), that Holy Spirit is going to intervene (perhaps not 'later' in time, because it must have 'intervened' some time before your asking). And knowing in this sense is a degree of being conscious of it. (Yet it is also 'acting', that's why I'm putting together this post.)

Bible is full of proofs that such things happen. I vaguely recall "before you ask I will answer" and other things but now I forget. They were in my head though just a mometn ago while my fingers were busy typing my stupid jokes. Never mind. Bunyan, by the way, has many qualities but a striking one is that through all the use of similitude and allegory you feel personal experience behind every word, not (only) his personal experience but yours very own. Another proof you can create with the help of imagination. Raymond: "Help! Look, I cared not to bother You unnecessarily but now I am come into very great trouble. Listen guys, if Lord himself doesn't do something about it I don't know what. I'm clueless." Jesus: "Ah, Raymond, finally you remember me! How come? Want a cigarette? Would you prefer another whore? Come, you are hungry. Go to a restaurant to enable your thinking. Ponder a little, lie on the couch. Go kill a cow! Very good sport! It's good for your development. Skiing, Raymond, sauna, that's what you need, this will develop your moving centre. But look, your social position doesn't really support your petition. Go earn some money, be at least good householder. THEN come and ask and MAYBE I'll listen. Move a little further from me, you stink. You stink of immorality and laziness to begin with. Hey guys! Lock this one. Let him rethink his life. This is the beggining of self-observation. I will come to visit him periodically. It's my personal satisfaction. Lots of gnashing of teeth, and than this dog will die -- slowly -- in sloth and darkness. It's true I have no time -- lots of planetary business, you know -- but I'll always find time to watch this dog die and-- satiate-- my revengful thirst-- grrhh-- with these delectable groans and tears, I swear, I will not miss a single chance etc. etc. etc."

It's a good day for work, full of crises. I hope I will not regret this being in good mood (anxious thought: no, it CAN'T be the beer?... ONLY one can...?) for advice. No, it's not the beer, I've been thinking of it for some time now. It's the New Model by O. I remember how enlightening the last chapter was for me. After some years, to read it again was a fresh discovery. In any case, nothing similar have I ever found elsewhere. It has many qualities, e.g. if I only think that without it I would to this day roam the earth thinking that something is wrong with me because I don't find certain things funny. I got it. I have this unpleasant feeling because somebody might read it and say, well, something unpleasant, whatever. Got you! Now just leave, Mr. "Feeling". Oh, that was quick. Mr. "Feeling" was quick. Too quick for my sharp remark which I was just about to formulate to myself, to throw it after him. Those who need it will get it, that's it.

The idea is that what is above, very great power and intelligence, corresponds to your Real 'I', thus with your Real Will. I and Father are one. You have all the power. The trouble is that for some time You used this power along inapropriate channels, creating things You now don't want. The idea is that this is not irreversible. That remedy can be found. The idea is that the problem, looked from above, having at disposal all and every possible quality and attribute, having all and every 'permission' to wield 'em powers at Real Will rpm, might not exist as a problem. Hey, guys! Look what I've found! A doggy! Cute, huh? Must be young. He says his name is Raymond. Yes, he's a talking dog. Raymond says he can't see. It is "dark", he says... hmmm... reminds me of something...

I think of this ancient Chinese proverb that I read somewhere (I forget): The Great Connoisseur is rarely in error. Some place from Acts comes to my mind, willst thou call impure what God has called pure? There must be other places-- just a minute, Mr. "Feeling", here's the door, yes, don't come back, look, I've very important business to settle, no, no, I don't care what people will say, what do you mean if I'm sure, of course I'm sure. Completely certain, I assure you. Bye bye. Dear Mr. Computer Screen, I apologize, had to settle few minor things with Mr. Unpleasant, who is technically no other than Internal Considering. Obviously it cannot be allowed to disturb us on this occasion:

The Great Connoisseur does not err.