simple realizations

We're inclined to underestimate simple realizations, not seeing it may take many years to actually get some or even one. My example: I was 'well acquainted' with the system. I thought I was. I didn't yet realize I am not well acquainted with it at all. And then I had a simple realization.

Namely, people deeper into it all used ten or twenty words I didn't understand at all, I merely knew them. To make it worse, they used them all the time. Next, I began to realize that they used a hundred or few hundred words I knew from before but with meanings I couldn't even imagine. I made a simple calculation... twenty... that makes four hundred pairs... hundred... that makes ten thousand pairs. It is quite enough for a parallel world I couldn't penetrate, yep, quite a world that, so far, I never could had stumbled upon. (Horror-of-the-situation has different forms. But this one was healing, I guess.)

Together with it went the realization that there was no dictionary in the world to help me learn the new meanings. Because the main bulk of the new words and the new manings referred to, for me, non-existent experiences and levels of being, those that the initiated (no sarcasm intended) knew. Knew just as well as I didn't know.

What could I do? Nothing much, except push on with what I was onto already, deciding to carefully jot down every new word, idea, experience, feeling, realization, et cetera. Even more carefully then up to that moment.